Curiouser and Curiouser

Today during my lunchtime break I was chowing down, reading Facebook posts when I stumbled upon Felicia Day's post about pictures from outer space. These pictures are quite fascinating and then my mind started churning and wham, bam thank you ma'am I'm thinking about the Rosetta Stone. After reading about it, I came to the conclusion, I want a stele. That's right.

I want a monument, but not a grand scale, maybe 4 feet tall, 16 inches in diameter. Something slate gray and smooth. What would I put on my stele? Great question. First it would be my bio, a carving of myself during a period when I looked the best (of course) and then some made up stories of grandeur. It's my stele, I'll lie if I want to. My stele will be less phallic than the one below and better done, of course.

What would you put on yours?

Stele of Hammurabi

Miss Manners Presents...How Not to Look Like an Ahole at Dinner

Here are what I feel a few suggestions that I think some people may have forgotten about.

Now I know people are going to go, "What?! (Who) these are not that bad. In fact I do them." To that I respond, "Yes they are and I know you do." It's kind of like the nose picker who turns their head thinking no one can see them doing it, we can. This is not assuming you are trying to purposely look like an asshole, we all have ticks. Mine is voicing my opinion constantly, I'm half-heartedly working on that.

Things That Make You Look Like an Asshole at Dinner:

• Taking calls at the table
• Constantly looking at other people instead of engaging with the people you're dining with
• Playing with your mobile phone, whether this is text messaging or even playing a game
• Grooming yourself at the table, there's a bathroom, go use it
• Picking food off my plate while I'm eating from it
• Tipping poorly, don't look to see what someone else tipped if the bill is split, tip your 15 - 20% or more unless service was horrible

The Rationale: 
Courtesy Factors
 When you do the first three items you're basically telling the people you're with that their company is not either engaging enough for you, you are throwing them a bone even being in their presence, or they are just not that important. I'm going to tell you this now, your crap stinks cause your farts keep giving you away. You are not that important that you as a person can afford to lose friends and lose friends you will. It's only a matter of time before anyone of substance will no longer tolerate this kind of behavior and stop associating with you. Imagine if you will the shoes were reversed.

Plus, when you do these things it's being quite anti-social and why did you even agree to have a meal with anyone if that's what you're going to do? Save your money, time and energy and make a sandwich at home.

Don't Be Rude Factors
The fourth and fifth points just gross me out when people comb their hair where I'm eating and I don't gross out easily. I don't need your dandruff peppering my food. As for eating off my plate, this will practically get you an entire meal for free AND I will never eat with you again. Here's why, you made a decision about what you wanted to eat, so did I. Just because you chose poorly doesn't mean I should have to offer up my plate to you. This is not to say if I offer up my plate for you to sample or partake of that you cannot. This is either asking me for a "bite" or just plain ole grabbing food off my plate. Do me the courtesy of offering it to you if I feel inclined. Rude.

As for the last point about tipping, don't go to dinner if you can't afford to tip the people who are serving your food.

Just because I put dinner doesn't mean any meal doesn't apply.

This has been lovely, but I have work that requires my attention.

Muse, Oh Sweet Muse...Where Did You Run Off To?

Over the past four years something happened, ok maybe a lot has happened over that time. I moved, started/finished grad school, lost/found jobs, made/lost friends, lost/gained weight (this one pisses me off), weddings, births and funerals. Life.

I fancied myself as a creator, I liked to make/write things. Even as a kid I would write stories, act them out with my Barbies and even built my own wagon to carry my stuff around the backyard in. As an adult I wrote still, nothing to be published, but because it was something I felt I needed to do. Whether it was poetry, short stories, or a badly written screenplay, I did it.

McBossy and I even created Rules to Friendship in our early to mid twenties when we felt that some of our friends needed a manual on how to be a decent friend. It's hilarious and one day I'll post it out. Then the Monthly Bitch came in newsletter format and eventually the blog. Letters to friends on both coasts, back and forth, keeping in touch with everyone.

Then suddenly it feels and as I look back it seems even it was like BAM! No more.

Maybe grad school sucked out all my creativity, maybe.

I used to get great ideas or ideas of stories I would write when I had the time. I had to carry around a notebook so I could scribble them down when they came to me. Now...nothing. If there's such thing as a muse, she's run off to be with someone else, tramp. If it's me, that's even scarier. How does one get inspiration again? If it's gone for a certain period of time does it ever return? What if I can never write anything longer than a tweet again? Is creativity like dreaming? I can't remember the last time I woke up remembering a dream. Is it just me?

My Emmy Predictions

Since I am so over who LeBron signs with and the Emmy noms have been released today I'm going to make my predictions. Look for the RED BOLD font as to who I think will win. Now, there are some that I blindly picked, like Drama...really? Drama? No. However, comedy...if I didn't pick Glee or a Glee cast member it's because another was WAY more deserving.

Drama Series
Breaking Bad
Dexter
The Good Wife
Lost
Mad Men
True Blood

Comedy Series
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Glee
Modern Family
Nurse Jackie
The Office
30 Rock

Lead Actor in a Drama
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
Kyle Chandler, Friday Night Lights
Hugh Laurie, House
Matthew Fox, Lost
Jon Hamm, Mad Men

Lead Actress in a Drama
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer
Glenn Close, Damages
Connie Britton, Friday Night Lights
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Mariska Hargitay, Law and Order: SVU
January Jones, Mad Men

Supporting Actor in a Drama
Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad
Martin Short, Damages
Michael Emerson, Lost
Terry O'Quinn, Lost
John Slattery, Mad Men
Andre Braugher, Men of a Certain Age

Supporting Actress in a Drama
Sharon Gless, Burn Notice
Rose Byrne, Damages
Christine Baranski, The Good Wife
Archie Punjabi, The Good Wife
Christine Hendricks, Mad Men
Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men

Lead Actor in a Comedy
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm
Matthew Morrison, Glee
Tony Shalhoub, Monk
Steve Carell, The Office
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

Lead Actress in a Comedy
Lea Michele, Glee
Julia LouisDreyfus, The New Adventures of Old Christine
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Toni Collette, United States of Tara

Supporting Actor in a Comedy
Chris Colfer, Glee
Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother
Ty Burrell, Modern Family
Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men

Supporting Actress in a Comedy
Jane Lynch, Glee
Julie Bowen, Modern Family
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family
Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live
Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock
Holland Taylor, Two and a Half Men

About Susan

Last night I went to Rogers Park (the most north east neighborhood in Chicago) to the BoHo Theatre to watch Saren in Ghosts. I get there early so I can get a seat that's not front row because it's awkward when you know someone on stage and they can read your every expression. Pass.

I sit down and this party of four sit in the row in front of me. Being a small theatre (six rows of five seats) we're going to be part of an intimate audience. The woman with brown hair (Brown) starts talking about Susan.

Susan moved to L.A.,  not for acting reasons I soon found out. Woman was sitting in between Brown and a man with a ponytail (PonyBoy) who at that point says, "she'll be back, they always come back." PonyBoy tells Brown that she owes him $2. Brown asks for what. PonyBoy soon reminds her of the bet they made about Susan's boyfriend. The bet was that he would not make it as a famous sports writer. Brown shakes her head. PonyBoy reiterates that he is in fact and will never be a famous sports writer now. Brown states, "well of course not he's dead."

Brown and PonyBoy tell the story of Susan's boyfriend's tragic demise to Woman. PonyBoy did not like Susan's choice in men and in fact was not entirely broken up over the fact that he was dead. He was afterall "terrible to her" and not a very good person. Brown reminds him he died of a heart attack while driving, it was heart disease that did him in, it was all very sad. PonyBoy perks up at hearing the words "heart attack". "It wasn't heart disease that killed him, it was the coke. They always say heart disease, but it's usually something else. Like when my father died of heart disease, it was actually suicide." Woman appears stunned, let's be honest so am I.

Brown continues that she went to see Susan after she moved to L.A. they started to make plans to meet up, but Susan just stopped returning the messages. She thinks maybe it was too soon and that seeing her would remind her of what she left behind. They all nod their head in agreement.

Woman says, "so he died of the car crash?" Brown, "no, he was dead before the car crashed, he had an enlarged heart." PonyBoy, "coke tends to make everything enlarged. It was the coke that killed him. So you owe me $2." Brown, "I paid for drinks, so I owe you nothing." PonyBoy, "true."

Susan's a real person, this conversation actually happened 10 minutes before the play started. I feel really bad for Susan and I hope she's doing well in L.A.


The play Ghosts was really great. I enjoyed it a lot and so did PonyBoy who said my roommate was, "really good and the best in the play."

...and We're Back! (The Good, The Bad and the Ugly)

It was suggested I wait a few days or even a week before posting this, but when have I been known to listen to suggestions? I wrote this on Monday, but being the slacker that I am I finally found the right pictures (two are not mine, you can determine which one it is).

I am back from NYC after three whirlwind days of traipsing around Midtown, Central Park and Murray Hill. Borrowing a format from my friend MommysStillFab I decided to bypass my normal diatribes and go with this.

The Good

• Seeing Central Park by foot and rickshaw
• Viewing Lower Manhattan 86 floors up in the Empire State Building
• Midtown, in all it's touristia-chic it's a lovely place
• Radio City Music Hall, the place has got to be one of the best places to ever see a concert in
• I'm pretty sure I sat where a Broadway star sat during the Tony's the week before
• My last boy band concert for a long while
• How quickly taxi drivers got to places
• No Sales Tax on clothing, what?!
• Starbucks on every corner
• Seeing a college friend I hadn't seen in over a decade
• Red Mango frozen yogurt. YUM! YUM! YUM!
• Being able to stay in an apt for free instead of paying a lot of money for a hotel room

The Bad

• Trash on the street at night
• The potential to run into rats with balls, ew!
• Not being able to get a taxi easily
• Lack of cleanliness in the subways
• Little sleep

The Ugly

• Patty with little sleep after three days
• and I'll leave it at that.

Big lights will inspire you, let's hear it for New York

Going to NYC in three days with a sprained foot. Walking down steps and talking at the same time, fail. Will that stop me? Hell no! Will I utilize the douchey Segway? Hell no! Will I be slow? Oh yes. I can envision grandma and her walker passing me by.

I believe the five of us that are going may have different agendas for NYC (minus our concert attending nights), but that's a-ok! Having properly googled and asked around I've compiled a list of things/places I want to visit. Stoked is a word that keeps popping into my mind when I think about these things.

My list of places to see while I'm in NYC:

• Gray's Papaya
• Grammercy Park
• Empire State Building
• Museum of Sex
• Radio City Music Hall
• Central Park - Alice in Wonderland statue
• Central Park - Balcony Bridge
• Central Park - Belvedere Castle

I am fairly confident even with my big gimpin' I'll be able to cover these in two days which leaves a third day for mystery pahtying. WooHoo!