Job Satisfaction

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, SHE'S UP"!

Mother Nature and Halloween

For Halloween I was Mother Nature, below are some of the pictures from that evening.

At the beginning of the night I had flowers and plants sprouting from my hair and on my face and feathers coming out of my eyes...then I happened. Apparently I decided it was going to be so windy that it would take off the feathers from my eyes. Oops!

What were you all for Halloween?

My Hair and all the crazy stuff growing in it

Playing coy with someone else's costume

Flowers sprout from everywhere

A ballad written by me and JDP

Hipster Blues

Someone watched too many horror movies as a child
Told too many war stories as a teenager
So I put on my vintage June Cleaver apron and got to thinking
About the things I could be making you

Got my PBR and vintage guitar
Turned on the Bakelite playing my favorite song
By that obscure band I heard in
Por-r-r-rtland

It ain't cool, if they know about it too
It ain't cool, if they know about it too

Don't know if you know about it
Don't know if you're cool enough
Cause I'm ready to leave you because

You ain't cool, if you didn't know about it too
You ain't cool, if you didn't know about it too

Yes my vision is 20/20, but that never stops me from wearing my
gran-an-an-dad's specs
I barely saw you when you walked into American Apparel
Buying your friend a gift card to her favorite store

In your J. Crew shirt and GAP jeans
I almost screamed, "your clothes are so clueless, do you know what I mean?!"
Instead I sneered my judgment with a disgusted look on my face
You looked at me as if I didn't exist, no emotion, not even a trace

I ain't cool, cause I didn't know about you
I ain't cool, cause I didn't know about you.

...a toast for all the scumbags, everyone one of them that i know

I'm sitting here on my red couch with the tv muted listening to Kanye's Runaway for the second time in a row. All the Taylor Swift fans gasp. I was never a Taylor Swift fan and when Kanye pulled his dickhead stunt I laughed and was ready to move on.

There was so much ado over what happened and people were all aghast over a known ahole doing what he does best, speak his unfiltered mind.

It had me thinking though, whether I'm too apathetic or the world is personalizing things too much. This is a change for me as I used to take things so personally, whether it was said or done to me or not. Now, I'm more of the ilk that I'll address what I feel needs speaking to and let everyone sort out their own business.

I doubt any of this maturity,"...and I know I've did damage cause the look in your eyes is killing me..."

Stink Bugs: A Love Story

My entire trip to D.C. was to go to McBossy's wedding in Pennsylvania on Saturday. I didn't expect to learn so much.

Thursday
Was my flight in to Dulles (did you know it's in Virginia? Yeah, I didn't.) and Special K came to pick me up. There was a trip to Whole Foods for foodstuff and general hanging out. I love low key events because they require so little of me.

Friday
KP came to D.C. to hang out with me (YAY!) We went downtown in hopes to go hang out at the Lincoln Memorial. (Did you know there are no close parking lots to the Lincoln Memorial? Yeah, me neither.) So we drove around the mall, went into VA by accident and then found a parking lot to troll around the area.

We went to the International Spy Museum and it was pretty awesome (despite what some hipster co-worker says). I learned a lot, of which I cannot tell you because my name is Jane Meyer and I'm a 13 year-old from Sweetwater, TN. I'm a student going to Dublin, Ireland on vacation for 7 days.

There was food, fro-yo, an inappropriate statue, and duck fighting. See the pictures below.

Why is there a naked man in the Boy Scouts statue? Why?

So Hank and Justin fought over Britney. Hank chased Justin around and around the pool while Britney just swam around without a care in the world. The other couple just tried to not get in the middle.

The best was spending the day with an old friend.

Saturday
Getting up early sucks, but that was the theme for most of this trip, thanks mostly in part to my shitty travel agent (Ms. F is so fired.) We drove to the salon for Special K to get her hair did and meet up with McBossy and the rest of the bridesmaids. I finally got a face to most of the names McBossy would talk about, most of them looked like I imagined.

Then off to PA to get this wedding started. I ended up hanging out with Special K's Sissy most of the wedding which was nice. I like people who are easy to talk to and doesn't make me think of what they're trying to say or whether they mean what they say.

In PA I meet this.

The Stink Bug

The Stink Bugs were everywhere, you can actually hear them before you see them and then there they are flying into your cleavage or hair or ear or any part of your body. These are not intelligent bugs, but they are true to their name, to do stink when they are scared or killed.

As the woman said, "they don't eat much." Plus, I didn't want to swat the bugs during the ceremony, she was really into it.

McBossy comes down the aisle and there's a Stink Bug inside one of the layers of her dress, however, you don't stop the wedding for a Stink Bug. During the ceremony Stink Bugs descended upon the wedding party and in particular boinked McBossy right in the middle of her forehead. Ahhh good times.

Good times. There were a few tears, speeches, dancing, good food, cake on the face, and Stink Bugs.

Stink Bugs, you can't stop a good time.

Signs of the Apocalypse (or Rather I'm Tired)

You know you're tired when you just want to bitch slap in a real half ass way every person you see. Your grandmother (sweet, kind, loving, delicate, elderly grandma) could get a smack if she got in the way.

Here are the signs to help you all realize when I'm too tired to function:

1. Everything you say to me will be taken as an insult (yeah, eff you too).
2. Puppies and kittens are NOT CUTE.
3. I agree with mostly everything you say unless you're pissing me off and then I will randomly pick something to disagree with you and battle you to the death over how correct I am.
4. Sleeping becomes the best thing to do everywhere. I can sleep on the train, in the rain, at my desk,  during a burlesque...
5. Silence is the only acceptable sound on the planet.
6. I have zero nice/kind things to say about anyone.
7. My eyes are open, but not really.
8. You hear me snoring and my eyes are wide open.
9. I've got a dazed look on my face and I'm drooling (check to make sure I didn't have a stroke either).
10. I'm rubbing my eyes.

There you have it, my Top Ten signs of the apocalypse I mean, that I'm tired. Can I go to bed now?